The Fairy tale of Academia

Sang to the tune of The Pogues Fairytale of New York

It was Christmas eve eve
At the lab bench
A post doc said to me
Won’t see another one
And then he hit submit,
A Nature manuscript,
I turned my face away
And dreamed of first authorship.

This labworks nearly done
Screw you, reviewer one.
I’ve got a feeling
This year’s when we’ll publish.
So Happy Christmas
I love you science.
I can see a better time
When my h-index is high.

They’ve got funding that’s stunning,
They’ve got grants to behold
But the work is just constant
And this we were told.

When I first joined the lab,
On a cold weekday eve
I wondered if Nature was waiting for me.

There’ll be data
There’ll be graphs
Therell be plenty of cash
When the labs finished working
Theyll go back for more.
The PI will be grinning
Fellowships we’ll be winning
We submit on a weekend,
Accepted next day!

The students of the PhD cohort
Will be pipetting happily
And the paper will be out
For all to see.

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